Heroes Not Zombies

In the A to Z of Becoming, R is for reflect.

What does it mean to reflect? I think reflecting has a number of elements. There’s a pace to it. When we reflect, we slow down. Instead of reacting, or “pressing on” with busy-ness, we temporarily stop, pause, take a breath. So taking a moment to reflect acts a natural break, creates that “necessary distance” the neuropsychologists talk about.

There’s an element of checking yourself out too isn’t there? The way we do when we look in a mirror. We see how we seem. We look at how others might see us. Or even without mirrors, but in conversation, or with the help of a journal, we can consider how we are living, what choices we are making, what habits we have acquired. We can think about our direction, our goals, hopes and fears. We can take a moment to reflect on how decisions we’ve taken are working out.

I think reflecting is something I do every day as a doctor too. In psychotherapy and counselling students are taught to reflect someone’s words back to them. This might even be called “mirroring” and when it’s done mechanically, or clumsily, it can feel a bit annoying (“What I hear you say is……..[insert clients own words here]”) but when it becomes a natural conversation, it lets the person reflect on the words they are using, the phrases they are repeating, and the beliefs which are underpinning their current state of mind or body.

When you can spend some time with someone who cares about you and will listen to you without judging you, you can gain some very fruitful insights as you reflect together.

So, here’s your verb for this week – reflect. Try it out and see what happens…….