I use movie clips a lot when teaching. I’ve posted a bit about some of the movies I use before (put “how we cope – learning from the movies” into the search box at the top right of this blog to see some examples). People now often suggest movies I might want to see because they show something about human character, about coping mechanisms or some of the ways in which things go wrong. Today, a colleague at work lent me “Control“.
It’s the movie based on the autobiography of Ian Curtis, the Joy Division singer’s widow. I was never really a Joy Division fan but I do still really like some of their songs. It’s no secret that this is a depressing movie. Ian Curtis hanged himself at just 23 years old. I found it a very powerful story, not least because it tells of a young man’s struggle with epilepsy. Convulsions are very scary to witness if you’ve never seen one before and the way they appear so suddenly and so completely take over a person’s life for a few seconds or minutes is always very dramatic. Ian Curtis couldn’t deal with having this complete loss of control and an experience of somebody he knew dying from an epileptic seizure probably magnified his fear of the disease and the terror that the next fit may well be his last. As the band begins to find success, his marriage begins to drift and he starts an affair he with a Romanian woman. In short, his life begins to unravel on all fronts at once. You might think success (selling more records, getting concert dates, becoming famous) would be a positive but to Ian it felt that he was being sucked empty by it. He gave his everything into his music and his performances but felt that success brought demands for more and more. He was losing control of his own life.
It was all too much and he committed suicide aged 23.
We all need to feel that we have some control in life. How much control varies between individuals and it alters at different points in life. But everyone I’ve ever met needs some sense of being in control of at least some important part of life. What a lot of people miss though is that we almost always have choices, and even though we find ourselves in circumstances outwith our control we can still choose how to respond. When it feels as if the choices have run out, it’s a very, very hard place.
I posted recently about change. Well in the face of too much change it can feel as if our choices have run out. But you know what? I don’t think they ever do. It’s just that sometimes it takes someone who loves us, or cares about us, to help us realise that.
It strikes me this is an important part of the practice of medicine – not just treating diseases, but helping people to see, and to make, more positive choices. A doctor can only do that if he or she understands the relationship between a patient’s illness and their life.
Heroes Not Zombies 
I wonder how much that feeling of a lack of control impacts how people heal – or not.
When I feel overwhelmed (and I do, sometimes), I tend to focus in on the things I CAN control. I may not be able to help a friend with her problem, for example, but I can wipe down my kitchen counters. I can’t cure my adopted mother’s cancer, but I can drive her to her to some of her appointments and be a smiling face when she comes back to the waiting room. I might not be able to do a lot of things, but I’m never not able to do ANYTHING.
A lot of this is faith, I think; faith that the things that we can’t directly influence will play themselves out without our interference, and that we have something important to learn from the experience, whether we’re in the driver’s seat or not.