One of the most powerful, and most challenging, characteristics of Reality Therapy, is Choice Theory. When you are suffering, or upset, it seems pretty normal to use what William Glasser calls External Choice Theory and blame somebody for it. But, as he points out, in all circumstances we have choices. Bad things still happen, and Choice Theory does not mean that we choose to have bad things happen. However, in any circumstances we can choose between different actions, and we can choose to change how we think about something. (There’s something here in common with Viktor Frankl’s logotherapy I think. He said that what matters is what “stand” we take – how we respond in the various situations which we find ourselves in, and what actions we take)
It’s strange how challenging and apparently harsh it can seem to focus on making choices. I think there is an assumption that if you can make choices then you must have chosen the suffering you find yourself experiencing, but I think this is a seriously misguided interpretation. There’s a world of difference between making choices and being in control of everything. The world is not only full of random events, from accidents, to earthquakes, tsunamis and floods, but it’s also full of other people, all following their own agendas and taking their own actions which affect both other people and the environments in which we all live. Making choices as a continual process is an incredibly empowering exercise. It’s the use of external choice theory which paralyses, despairs and makes victims of us all.
So, next time you’re not so happy about something, instead of looking for someone to blame, think what you’d like to do now instead – in other words, focus on not only making choices, but seeing them through. It feels completely different to do something positive instead of complaining and blaming!
Heroes Not Zombies 
This is a daily part of my life, since I am bi-polar. I guess that is why I can seem so harsh to others sometimes. Because I *know* you can choose to react or not react, and you can even choose to let circumstances foul your mood. (And yes I know it is much easier said than done, but your skill and strength to do so build with time until you don’t have to think about it as much when you do it.) I work not to be blown on the winds of my illness. I try to direct the winds into creativity, into art. *smile*
Amending “You can choose to react or not react, and you can also choose to act.” Reactions aren’t quite the same as actions. I equate reaction more with thought/mood, and action with the carrying out of your thoughts/moods. Er, hmmm. I’ll try to explain. You can choose to be angry, and lash out in that anger. That is a reaction, and an action. Or, you can choose to not let it anger you, and act. You can say you love someone, but love is an action too. I guess to me, one way to put it is reaction is emotional, action is logic carrying out thoughts which can be colored by emotions. Back to the anger idea. You can be angry at something, and instead of lashing out in anger, you can use it as energy to spur you forward to positive action. So, reaction: anger, action: building. I hope I’m making sense.
I always look at it as the difference between “reacting” and “responding.” When something happens, everyone will have some kind of reaction to it that is automatic – not a conscious choice. But regardless of our initial reaction, we can *choose* how to respond. So if our neighbors dog makes us angry (reaction), we can choose to write the neighbors a polite note about it (positive response) rather than yell at the dog (negative reaction/response). This kind of self-awareness is really difficult but very rewarding in the end.