Newspapers used to have a section entitled “Births Deaths and Marriages”. My granny used to read it first. I don’t remember ever reading it. I’m not sure if any newspapers still have such a section. Yes, they have “Obituaries”, usually of famous, or “important” people, but that’s not the same. What about the people we know? The people whose lives are close to ours?
When I had a holiday in Antigua a few years ago I stumbled upon a local radio station which every morning had a section where the presenter shared who, in the community, had died, and who was experiencing bereavement. These were astonishingly moving short stories. Little obituaries of individual lives which then spilled outwards into a naming of the relatives who might be listening, or might be known by the listeners. More than a listing of names, there were small, interlaced stories of significance related about the place of the deceased in the lives of the bereaved. I’d never heard anything like this before, and haven’t since. It was rich, multifaceted and multilayered. It was deeply human.
Maybe the births and marriages were similarly announced at other times of the day. I’d like to think so.
But where do we share the births, deaths and marriages now?
Why am I thinking of this, on this last day of 2011?
Well, I found myself reflecting on the year, and reflecting from a perspective of gratitude (December is the month of gratitude in my “months of meaning”).
My first thought was the birth of my grandson, Charlie. He’s one of those happy babies who smiles widely, chuckles loudly and seems to spend much of his life so far in quiet contentment. How wonderful! What a gift! And what a lesson. He reminds me to smile, to laugh and to relish quiet contentment.
Then I thought of deaths I’ve encountered this year. Not just the deaths of friends and colleagues, but the deaths of friends and loved ones of my own friends and loved ones, the ripples and effects of which have deeply touched me too. These losses, these new, intense absences, make me more aware of the gratitude I have for their having been in my life, and I reflect on what unique gifts each and every one of them brought. These deaths, and reports of deaths remind me how much we enrich each other.
So that led me on to marriages. Well, rather than marriages, I’d like to expand this section to a consideration of relationships – relatives, friends and colleagues. There have been challenges, trials, opportunities, illnesses and changes for many people I know this year, and I find, that in all of these circumstances these difficulties and changes heighten the importance of the individuals to me. I am touched ever more deeply by the lives of others it seems, and this, in turn, intensifies, broadens and deepens the love I experience in my life.
So, how about your own section on “Births, Deaths and Relationships”?
Which would you like to record? Which would you like to reflect on? And what have they brought into your life, viewed from the perspective of gratitude?
Heroes Not Zombies 
The Times continues to run its traditional Births, Deaths & Marriages section as part of its Announcements sections, alongside Engagements and a couple of other headings I can’t remember. The online version remains free to read, despite the wider paywall around The Times.
People of a certain generation still use it; we placed a notice in it when my mother passed away some years ago and a couple of people she’d completely lost touch subsequently made contact. Of course, much of its utility has been superseded by modern telecommunications including the internet. Where do we share these things now, you ask? Answer: some people do it just about everywhere, instantly, and endlessly! š