Heroes Not Zombies

Mostly we react, but its better when we respond.

What’s the difference?

Reacting is automatic and rapid. Somebody presses one of our buttons and BUZZ out comes the response – anger, indignation, anxiety, hurt, sadness…..you name it. One of the problems with this reaction mode is that we get the feeling other people are constantly pulling all our strings.

It would be great if we felt more in the driving seat, wouldn’t it? To do that, we need to practice responding instead of reacting. What happens in response mode is that somebody presses one of our buttons, we notice it and think, ‘oh, there’s that button getting pressed again’, then in the short pause, we get to choose. What am I going to do about it?

It’s a bit like when the telephone rings. You don’t HAVE to answer it. You have a choice. The experience of exercising that choice, in fact, even the experience of having time to choose, is hugely empowering.

Here’s a simple little technique which lets you begin to change from reactive mode to responsive mode. It’s called “getting neutral” by the “Heartmath” people.

First deliberately move your attention to your heart area. Say, for example, you are speaking to someone on the phone, maybe someone who repeatedly winds you up. They hit one of your buttons but instead of automatically reacting, you say ‘hold on a moment’, put your hand over the receiver, turn your attention to your heart area, and now, take three deep, diaphragmatic breaths. One, two, three. Now return to the conversation.

This is called ‘getting neutral’ because its like when you are driving a car and the brakes fail. You can slip the gear into neutral, breaking the connection between the engine and the car’s wheels, stopping it from speeding out of control.

I’ve taught this method to people who experience panic attacks. Instead of spinning out of control, they turn their attention to their heart area, take three diaphragmatic breaths, and the panic stops.

It might not work every time, but one of the great things about it, apart from its simplicity and easiness, is that it gets more powerful and useful the more it is practised.