I find that people are all very different. One of my core values as a doctor is that there are no one-size-fits-all medicines or approaches. Because people are different, the ways in which they get better differ, and the treatments which work best for them are different. That’s why I have concerns about the more extreme “evidence based medicine” fanatics, who see only two classes of treatment – “proven” and “unproven” (as if you can be sure what’s going to work for an individual before you’ve even met them)
One of the significant differences I see between people is that some really need to talk. They want to talk, and encouraging them to talk about their traumatic experiences is a way of enabling them to cope and to improve. Others, however, are quite unlike that. Some, even if encouraged, really do not want to talk about past traumas. I think it’s important to understand these differences between people and to offer them the kind of help which is best for them.
Psychologists have studied the particular issue of talking about trauma post 9/11. Their work was reported today on the BBC news site. What I found very interesting was their discovery that contrary to popular opinion that it’s always better to talk about such things, they found a significant number of the people who did well after that event, had chosen not to talk about their feelings at that time.
So, it appears, it’s good talk……..sometimes, and for some people, but don’t apply that advice indiscriminately.
Heroes Not Zombies 
Interesting! But, I’d sort of understood this in a way. I know not to push someone if they retreat within themselves while saying they don’t want to talk about it. Then I change the subject and let them see it is ok to peek out of their shell, and try to let my company console them.
I think healing requires expression of some sort, but not necessarily talking about it to others, for example: journaling, using dark humor (like emergency services and law enforcement types do), or taking up an activity that helps heal. I became an EMT after 9/11.
Yes, KatK, it’s a matter of pacing, isn’t it?
I agree, spaceagesage, some kind of expression probably does help, but, for each of us, it might be a different form, huh? By the way, excuse my ignorance but, what’s an “EMT”?
EMT, Emergency Medical Technician. I do not recall if that is the most skilled of the ambulance crew or not. I think maybe so?
EMT: “Emergency Medical Technician” — an emergency medical responder, usually in ambulances or with a fire department. Much lower on the scale than paramedics, but way, way above basic first aid.
Ah, thanks for that – don’t think that job exists in the UK. What’s it like? Have you ever blogged about that aspect of your life? I’d be interested to read about it
Here is a Wikipedia article explaining the various levels of skill EMTs may have. And it says they are in more than one country as well.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_medical_technician
EMTs and firefighters run toward situations most people run from, so we are either crazy or really enjoy the unexpected happenings that are part of the territory when it comes to emergency response. I was a volunteer firefighter/EMT with my local fire dept. for two years. It was blast. Funniest people. Craziest times. Amazing moments. I had to give it up because my mom, who lives with my husband and I, couldn’t handle the stress of it, especially the late night calls. I eventually realized I might come home to my own 9-1-1 emergency call. It was one of the most heart-wrenching things I have ever had to walk away from because it was as if I was born to it. So, no, I don’t think I can blog or write much about it.
Thanks for taking the time to write this, spaceagesage. I appreciate it. It’s one of the most difficult things to be in a circumstance which prevents you doing what you feel born to. Sorry it turned out that way for you
Great post. As a life coach initially trained in an approach that’s the closest you can get to therapy without doing ‘therapy’, I found exactly the same thing in just under 18 months practice: contrary to popular belief, talking is actually counterproductive for many, and can even create more harm than good. And for others it works for a while and then another form of expression is needed. Miss the transition and stuck is what you get.
That experiential realization had me (largely) abandon the ‘worldview’ of the model I first learned, and begin exploring for answers it wasn’t able to offer.
What I discovered along the way – and what you seem to be talking about here – is that there are a variety of modes of expression, and expression is both what heals/resolves and provides us with a sense of unique meaning, direction, contribution and fulfillment – provided you’re in the right kind for you.
When I started to approach coaching this way – as an adventurous search for a person’s right modes of natural expression, taking for granted that they’re built for whatever ‘job’ they’re here for – their life got easier, more fun and more ‘magical’ much, much faster.
What I also started to notice was that when we’re not in the right mode for us – and at the right level for us – we’re stressed, anxious, out of our strengths, disoriented and dissatisfied. But when you’re on course, in your natural modes, you more naturally find and live ‘what you’re born to’ as spaceagesage did (and boy, that was a tough choice!).
From what I can tell, the therapeutic model (which isn’t all that old but holy cow it’s had a far reaching impact on our collective psyche!) took ‘talking’ and made it its primary mode of expression, valuing it above all others. Might have taken its cues from the ‘I think, therefore I am’ worldview, but who knows?
Regardless, most other means or modes weren’t really noticed or assigned a whole lot of value. Even today, other modes seem to be considered a little ‘fringe’ in the field. What’s sad is that those who don’t find talking helpful – and for whom it’s even counterproductive – were labelled (and not positively) and aren’t always well served.
Not that this is exclusive to the therapeutic field. Remember your school days? I’d hazard a guess that you got the same or similar message: there’s a right way and a wrong way to do things. Do them the right way and you’re rewarded (good grades, approval, successful future, etc). Do them the wrong way and woe unto you. Not true, at least no nearly as exclusively as we wanted to think, but generations were raised to believe and live it as if it was true.
That’s had such a profound impact many of us have lost touch with our own natural way. In fact, many don’t even know they have one and spend a lifetime trying to tap back in again (thus my career!)
A brilliant theorist, researcher and writer by the name of Kathy Kolbe brought ‘conative expression’ (instinctual active response) back into the fold a few years ago. Fascinating stuff that ties stimulus and response together with natural ways of being.
If you’re at all interested in modes of expression, ‘true self’ or self-awareness you might check out her work – even take the Kolbe A Index for yourself (www.kolbe.com – about $50 US dollars).
It does have a bias because it focuses primarily on expression through work, but it still provides a more holistic picture of natural modes of expression than almost anything else I’ve seen.
Love to hear anyone’s experience of it if they give it a try!
Thank you for this fabulous comment Lissa
You know I came across the word “conative” for the first time just a couple of months ago during some reading on neuroscience. Here’s the dictionary definition I looked up (I admit, I’d never seen the word before!) – actually this is for “conation”, the noun…….
“The aspect of mental processes or behavior directed toward action or change and including impulse, desire, volition, and striving.”
The Kathy Kolbe references are brand new to me. I’ll go check them out.
Well, I’ve found an explanation for why I’ve found myself saying “It may not work for you, but it works for me, let me do it the way that works the best for me!” on more than one occaision.