Heroes Not Zombies

In The Discoverer, Jan Kjaerstad mentions Liv Ullman’s “Changing”, and states that many people who read it changed their lives. Well, The Discoverer is a novel, so I wasn’t sure if such a book actually existed. A quick check on abebooks found that it did and I ordered up a copy for a few pounds. (Changing. Liv Ullman. ISBN 0297772856. Published back in 1977 and translated into English by Liv Ullman herself)

What an interesting book!

I really didn’t know anything about Liv Ullman before I read this book. I knew she was an actress and she’d starred in Ingmar Bergman movies but that was about it. This book is a kind of autobiography telling about certain parts of her life. It’s written in a mix of styles and a strange mix of first and third person sections. The third person parts strike me as most odd and feel the least natural but the first person writing (which is by far and away the greatest part of the book) reads very naturally. It’s as if she is chatting to you or sharing her thoughts with you.

What makes the book remarkable is how it shares the process of maturation and development of wisdom. Yes, wisdom. I’d go as far as to call this a wisdom book. It’s enlightening and inspiring and I say that as a man, even though much of what she writes about is sexual inequality and the struggle to be a single mother and a professional at the same time. I love her clear eyed, grounded focus on the real. There’s nothing polemic, and nothing starry eyed about this book. It’s a story of growing self-knowledge and with that self-acceptance, of the struggles with commitment and freedom, with mothering and professional development as an actress, with privilege and simplicity.

Here’s what she says about success –

The best thing that can come with success is the knowledge that it is nothing to long for.

And here’s what she says about the differences between men and women –

I try to put in words why I believe that all divisions of people into groups just increases our difficulties. Makes it harder to understand each other.

The importance of living NOW –

I think it is good to recognise what the moment is about and to accept it as a gift.

and

Why is it so frightening to reach sixty because one was once sixteen an believed that time existed in infinite supply? Why couldn’t one know that Time moves on with ever increasing speed and plays havoc with all the things we once thought we could leave for tomorrow?

But especially I like what she says about self-acceptance and finding what’s important within –

Sometimes the sense of security is within myself.

and

Pointless to seek refuge in someone else from what was my loneliness and insecurity

and

I realise I was brought up to be the person others wanted me to be, so that they would like me and not be bothered by my presence. That person was not me. When I began to be me, I felt that I had more to give. Life was richer.

and

Perhaps maturing is also to let others be. To allow myself to be what I am.

She completely grasps the dynamic of life –

Is this not where life’s possibilities lie? Not necessarily to arrive, but always to be on the way, in movement.

She says that one of the greatest compliments she ever received was a zen saying –

You have allowed the cloth to weave the cloth

I like that very much!

I don’t think reading this book changed my life but it was certainly an inspiring read.