Heroes Not Zombies

In a consultation recently, the question of what makes an experience or a relationship meaningful came up. Whether or not something feels meaningful is something we seem to know intuitively. We don’t usually sit down, consider the details, weigh them up, then reach a calculated conclusion. But what makes an experience or a relationship a “meaningful” one?

I think there are at least two dimensions to this.

How does this experience, or relationship, fit in to my story?

A story, or a narrative, has a beginning, a middle and an end (actually, I’m increasingly doubtful about this concept of an “end”!). Let’s say then, that in constructing the story of my life, I consider the present as it emerges from the past and lies in the context of the possible futures. We do create a sense of who we are by telling ourselves and others a story – the story of my life. This is one of the two dimensions of meaning. How does this experience fit into my story? Is it strongly embedded? Is it complexly and multiply connected? How does it relate to all that has gone before, and how might it influence the scope of the possible futures? We tend to feel something is “meaningful” when we can make sense of it within our story, and when it is deeply connected to so much of our story.

Secondly, we tend to feel something is meaningful when it makes a big impact. This feels like a second dimension of meaning. The power, the strength, the depth even, of the impact. You could say this is “significance” or you could simply call it “impact”. Of course, it’s likely that the strength of an impact will have an influence on the extent to which it becomes an important part of our story.

Maybe the less meaningful experiences, are covered by a line, or a few words in our story. A paragraph at most. And maybe the more meaningful ones gain an entire chapter, or even volume, of their own?