Heroes Not Zombies

Wonder isn’t the same as curiosity, but the latter can lead to the former. I’ve often described myself as “insatiably curious”. I always wanted to know more about every single patient. I’m fascinated by a wide range of subjects and it’s easy to follow my curiosity down a rabbit hole on Wikipedia or the rest of the internet.

But I only learned later in life that wonder was something different, something deeper and more powerful. The experience of wonder includes being amazed or being in awe of something. It brings a deep humility, a conviction that we humans can never know all that could be known and that our understanding is always limited.

I remember learning embryology at university and being utterly amazed at the journey of the fertilised egg, through multiple phases of cell splitting and differentiation, develop all the organs and tissues of the body in all the right places. That still astonishes me.

I remember witnessing patients in the moments leading up to death and wondering just what was happening. I am still amazed how it appears that one moment the person is alive, and in the next, they’re gone. Awe is the only word for it.

I have countless memories of patients healing, recovering from life threatening illnesses, repairing broken bones, broken skin, broken hearts. Time and again, I was in awe at their healing and growth.

Then when I came to live in France I discovered “l’émerveillement du quotidien”, and realised that’s the key to a good life – to wonder, to be amazed, to be in awe of the world I’m living in every single day,

Like Heschel, now I understand that wonder leads to both happiness and the experience of a life worth living.