Heroes Not Zombies

Last year I studies Interpersonal Neurobiology with Dan Siegel, whose book, Mindsight, I highly recommend. He teaches around the essential triad of brain, mind and relationships and understanding the links between these three turns out to be tremendously illuminating. On the relationship front, Dan draws on his training in attachment theory and demonstrates the links between early nurturing and personality later in life – particularly in connection with how we form relationships.

Sir Harry Burns, the Chief Medical Officer of Scotland, highlighted in a brilliant presentation earlier this year the key importance of early years in determining future health and health behaviours.

On top of this comes this research from the University of Minnesota demonstrating –

“Your interpersonal experiences with your mother during the first 12 to 18 months of life predict your behavior in romantic relationships 20 years later,” says psychologist Jeffry A. Simpson, the author, with University of Minnesota colleagues W. Andrew Collins and Jessica E. Salvatore. “Before you can remember, before you have language to describe it, and in ways you aren’t aware of, implicit attitudes get encoded into the mind,” about how you’ll be treated or how worthy you are of love and affection.

Wow! during the first 12 to 18 months! How important is love? You can’t over emphasise it.

You might be thinking yikes, if it’s set in the first 18 months, what hope is there? Well, it turns out we can have lots –

The good news: “If you can figure out what those old models are and verbalize them,” and if you get involved with a committed, trustworthy partner, says Simpson, “you may be able to revise your models and calibrate your behavior differently.” Old patterns can be overcome. A betrayed baby can become loyal. An unloved infant can learn to love.