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Archive for the ‘life’ Category

Living ALL your life

It’s not uncommon for people to talk about looking forward to retirement. In fact, longing for retirement. Even counting the days until they retire. But once they retire, then what? It’s probably because I love everything I do, and how I especially love my daily work, that the idea of retirement seems to me, well, put it this way………it’s how we think about illness and death – they are things that happen to other people! But increasingly people have a lot of life to live after the age of 65. Why’s this come to my mind just now? Well, in the Queen’s honours last week, one of the people honoured was Phyllis Self who turned 100 last year. One of the remarkable things about Phyllis is that she runs a garden centre – at age 100 that’s quite something – but here’s the thing that really struck me – there was a mention of the fact that she has run this garden centre for 36 years. That means she didn’t actually start the garden centre until she was 64 years old!

How many people do you know started a new business at the age of “retirement”? We need to think about life differently. We need to live ALL of our lives. Retirement should be a time of active engagement with life.

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I’m sure you are very familiar with this phrase. You’ve either said it or thought it, and if you haven’t, then, at least, you’ve sure heard it said.

Sometimes somebody expresses a view, or behaves in a way, that is so different to how we would view or do something that it can feel as if they don’t actually live in the same world as we do.

Saint-Exupery, in “The Little Prince”, has this theme running right through his brilliant, thought-provoking little story. The philosopher, Ravoux, says that the main theme of “Le Petit Prince” is the difficulty we find in making connections. We all experience the world from the first person perspective, and we have no way of experiencing the world from another person’s perspective. Not wholly. Not fully. We use language and fashion stories to try to convey our views and our experiences to others. We use imagination and empathy to try and put ourselves in others’ shoes, but it’s not easy.

The Little Prince visits six, very small, planets. In fact, the planets he visits are so small (really they are asteroids) that only one person can live on each of them. Saint-Exupery uses the common device of pushing each example to an extreme to make it more clear (Deleuze favours this technique, stating that we should push something to its extreme point to reveal its true character).

On the first planet lives a king. He needs to be in control of everything. But he isn’t stupid. He knows his limitations and has rationalised his experience to fit with his need. He only commands to happen what he knows will happen. The Little Prince sees that this is what the king does and finds it absurd, but lots of people are like this. The important issue of them is of feeling in control of everything. The need for control lies deep within us all. When it becomes all-consuming it becomes the standard against which everything is experienced.

The second planet is inhabited by a man who needs to be told that he is the most handsome, most admired man in the world. When The Little Prince points out that there is nobody else on this man’s planet, the man dismisses the point, saying “admire me anyway”. In our present time the cult of celebrity runs very, very strong. It doesn’t matter what you’re famous for, as long as you’re famous. Admire me! Admire me! Notice me!

The third planet is the world of a drunkard. He tells The Little Prince he is ashamed because he drinks so much and he drinks to forget. Forget what? Forget that I am ashamed! Alcohol and drugs as a way of life? You sure know people like this.

The fourth planet is inhabited by “the businessman” who sits at his desk, counting his possessions and ordering them. He claims he owns all the stars in the universe, and when challenged about how this can be so, he shows the pieces of paper which represent his ownership. It’s not the actual stars which matter, it’s the owning them! The Little Prince finds this idea equally absurd.

The fifth planet is where a lamplighter lives. His planet is so small that day and night are only a minute long each, so the poor man is trapped in a constant cycle of lighting and extinguishing the lamps. The Little Prince points out that if he walked slowly round his planet following the light, he could have a break from the continuous cycle of his work, but the man can’t do that. He says it’s important to follow the rules and that’s what he is doing. He is following the rules. Lots of people only feel safe when they strictly follow the rules.

The sixth and final planet is the one where The Little Prince finds a geographer. This man sits at a desk writing down all the reports which people bring him to create the complete knowledge of the planet. However, he never leaves the desk to go and experience the planet for himself. The Little Prince finds it strange that someone can think they can know everything about a place without experiencing it.

We are all different and we are all unique. I can never know if what I experience as “red” when looking at a red rose, is what you experience as “red”. But we can both agree to give our experiences the same name.

Cemetry rose

Owen Flanagan explores this issue with his idea of “spaces of meaning” where he makes it clear that we each have different ways of making sense of the world. Mary Midgley argues the same point with her analogy of the aquarium which we can only see into through the small windows which are personally available to us.

So, if we really all are on our own planets, with our own sets of values and ways of making sense of things, each of us with our individual world views, then how can we connect? How can relate to other people in their other worlds? Well we need to hear their stories because only they can tell us what they have experienced. And we need to hear their stories using something fundamental and special, Saint-Exupery tells us, and that is LOVE.

It’s LOVE that allows us to connect, to see, hear and understand each others’ worldviews, and it takes LOVE to break down the barriers of isolation and loneliness.

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It’s a strange thing, the present. We consider three time zones, don’t we? The past, the present and the future. A lot of patients I see are suffering because they are trapped in one of these time zones (and it’s not the present!). We experience the past through our use of memory. The past doesn’t exist. Not any more. We can only bring it back to life by remembering. Remembering is something we do. The future doesn’t exist. Not yet. We can only bring it to life by imagining. Imagining is something we do. So if we do remembering to experience the past, and imagining to experience the future, then what do we do to experience the present?

Usually when I think about experiencing the present, I concentrate on my senses, and becoming aware of what I’m hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling or touching. Amy, at livelessordinary, has written beautifully about just that way of living in the present.

I was reading “Donner un sens a l’existence“, by Jean-Philippe Ravoux, recently. Jean-Philippe is a French philosopher who has written about the philosophical basis of “Le Petit Prince”. He makes a strong point about the present which, when I read it, made me suddenly stop and think. Some of the greatest truths are the simplest ones. He says that living in the present is about acting. He says that we can ONLY act in the present. The present is the ONLY time we can DO anything. When I read that point, it was as if a penny dropped. Until then I had considered living in the present as a fairly passive affair – a time of sitting still, being quiet, savouring, sensing consciously and mindfully. Well, I still think all that is true, but look at all the verbs in that sentence! The present isn’t something that just happens to us, or passes us by. It’s what we do.

The way to live in the present is to be conscious of what you are choosing to do.

What are you doing right now? Reading? Thinking? Drinking tea or coffee? Remembering? Imagining? All these actions are your actions. These actions, these choices, are how you create your experience of living. William Glasser understood that when he developed Reality Therapy. Living in the present – it’s what we do!

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I came across a great post entitled “Why it may be worth becoming more like a child” on the slow leadership blog. The main reasons to become more child-like laid out in this post were – being more imaginative, being encouraged to learn, forgiven for mistakes and becoming more creative. Carmine Coyote, the post’s author, asks what would work be like if people started to be a bit less adult? She argues it could be more exploratory, experimental, exciting and passionate. I like this post, and agree with it too. But let me tell you a little story, because this post fits in with one of those strange, synchronicity moments for me.

I regularly spend time in France. My French language skill isn’t great. I get by, understanding most of what I hear, but I’m not good at expressing myself in French. I love to read French however and I’m not too bad at that. I take my time and consult a dictionary when I need to. I never let a visit to France pass without a good browse in the bookshop. French language books are SO different from the English language ones I find in the UK. It’s really like a whole other world for me. Last month, as I browsed in one of my favourite bookshops, “Vents du Sud“, up past the market in Aix-en-Provence, I picked up an interesting-looking book, entitled “Donner un sens a l’existence” by Jean-Philippe Ravoux. I guess you could translate that as “Making sense of existence”, but “donner” means to give, so it’s more “Giving sense to existence”. I am convinced that one of the essential characteristics of human beings is that we are meaning-seeking/meaning-creating animals. A closer look revealed that this book is by an Aix-based philosophe and is an exposition of the work of Antoine Saint-Exupery – in particular, “Le Petit Prince” (The Little Prince) and “Citadelle” (Wisdom of the Sands). “Le Petit Prince” is THE top selling book in the world, second only to the Bible. I bought it, and I’ve been reading, underlining and annotating it since. I SO enjoyed it! I also decided it was time to refresh my memory of “Le Petit Prince” so re-read that too (first in French, then I bought myself a new English language copy and read that too, in case I didn’t understand anything in the French version). Well, I finished it during a train journey yesterday, and I’ve already gone back to the beginning to re-read the parts I’ve marked up for myself. I’m intending to write a few posts about the main themes over the coming days. But here’s the connection and the strange part –

The main theme of Le Petit Prince is how child-like innocence and wonder can challenge the adult view of reality. The little prince questions everything. He doesn’t just take things for granted. Ravoux claims that Saint-Exupery based this attitude on Descartes‘ “Discours de la Methode” (but more of that in another post!) Through his wonder and questioning, the little prince challenges our rather unthinking ways of living, our attitudes to power, money, belief and so on, and this questioning makes us “wake up” (become heroes not zombies?)

My head is full of these thoughts just now, so what a surprise to stumble this very day upon a post about becoming child-like!

What an amazing and curious world we live in! I love how it continually surprises me!

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the moment of the setting sun

This is the moment, the present moment, that time we call sunset, and as the sun sinks behind the mountains, it throws up a final farewell flare. I’ve never seen it do that before. Not behind these particular hills. The unexpected, the unpredicted, how it jumps up and grabs our attention, demands we pull ourselves right out of the dreams and worries about the future, right out of the memories and reveries of the past, and just for this brief moment, we are reminded that the present is sliding past our eyes, so maybe, just maybe, it would be good to open them.

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I was sitting sipping a coffee at an outside table in the cafe at the market the other day and I saw this seed lying on the table.

seed

I thought I’d capture it and share it with you.

Isn’t it amazing? If you look closely, there are two capture devices built into it! At the left end, there’s a tiny, wee hook-shaped hair for grabbing onto something and, at the other end is this delicate and exquisite brush of fine, fair hairs for carrying it far in the wind.

Seeds have always been a source of wonder to me. How can such a tiny object turn into a flower, or a bush, or a tree? I guess if you are knowledgeable about such things you’ll know what this seed might become – I’m afraid I don’t! One of the subjects which enthralled me at university was embryology. How on earth can a single, fertilised cell turn into all the diverse types of cell in the human body and grow in the right places?! Awesome!

Do you think this seed might become a great tree somewhere? Like these ones?

forest sky

I also went to a garden festival and one of the stalls sold seed pods. Look at their diversity!

seedpods
seedpods
seedpods

So, there’s two things that amaze me about Nature – creativity and diversity. These are such important features of human beings too, aren’t they? How little we guess about the potential of a baby! How little we know about his or her uniqueness! Amazes me every time I think about it!

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Things aren’t things.

OK, that doesn’t make sense, does it? What I mean is that we tend to view the world as made up of objects, or entities. We do that by focusing our attention on parts of what we see, separating out the bits we want to collect together and name. This is one of our major ways of both making sense of, and managing, our world. A great model to help us to take a different view is that of a network or web. One of the most interesting books I’ve read in recent months is “Linked“, by Albert-Laszlo Barabasi.

Networks are made up of nodes and links. You can see anything you like that way. Let’s start with an object, like the chair you are probably sitting on right now. It’s made up of a number of materials which have been attached to each other……wood, or metal, or plastic, and maybe cloth, or leather or some other material. Take any one of these elements in your chair, say, one of the legs. It’s most likely made of wood, or metal (but maybe it’s plastic). Whatever substance it is, you’ll have the impression it’s pretty solid. Solid enough to stop you falling on the floor at least! But it’s made up of molecules which are connected to each other. And every single molecule is made from atoms which are connected to each other. And that was as far as we used to go. But since we smashed the atom open, we’ve discovered that even that is made from sub-atomic particles, like protons and electrons which are linked to each other. Does it stop there? Nope, even those tiniest of little particles are now known to be made of even smaller elements (quarks for example), all restlessly connected to each other. It seems no matter how far in we go, solid substance escapes us, and we find more and more networks of particles and links. Every particle being another network of particles and links.

Maybe it’s just my mind, but that’s where my thoughts went when I looked at this –
glorious seedhead

Then, a little further along the same embankment, I came across this –
seeds

Some of the seeds have already blown away and I thought about how each of these plants can’t be understood all by itself. They are all connected to other elements around them, and the wind comes and blows some of the seeds great distances, and the seeds fall on the ground, and if there is enough good soil, and water, and warmth, and sunlight, each seed bursts out through its capsule and becomes another of these plants. Vast, great, intricate ecosystems and biological networks.

But here’s another whole scale of connections too. Along comes me with my camera and I take this shot and I connect my camera up to my mac, and I upload it to flickr and copy the code into my wordpress blog and write these words and along comes YOU and you see it and now that seed has connected us to each other.

You know what? It blows my mind!

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poppy field, originally uploaded by bobsee.

There are thousands of poppies in the fields in Provence just now. One thing that really strikes me about them is how, so often, they catch you by surprise and how you just can’t take your eyes off them.
As I was walking down the path to the front gate, this splash of red caught my eye. I turned and looked, a gap in the foliage at the side of the path having opened up, and it was as if looking through a window into another world. From another angle, it just doesn’t look like this, but from this spot, right here, it suddenly seemed magical, a gift, a moment to stand and wonder about just how amazing and beautiful the world can be.
It’s inviting, isn’t it? Don’t you want to clamber through and see what lies beyond?

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Let’s consider four verbs which highlight essential characteristics of human beings.

SENSING

All living creatures are sensate. All have sensory organs to pick up stimuli from the environment – light, sound, odours, temperature and so on. As human beings we have a particularly elaborate sensory system, possibly THE most elaborate of all creatures, however, being sensate is a characteristic we share with all animate beings.

FEELING

I have a large hardback copy of Gray’s Anatomy on my bookshelf. I bought it when I was studying anatomy at Medical School back in 1973. I still find it fascinating. The section on the nervous system and the brain shows something incredibly striking. All the nerves which carry the signals from the sensory organs travel first of all to what is termed “the old brain”, the “limbic system” more or less. That always amazed me. Why do all the sensory signals go there? This particular area of the brain is the main emotion generating and processing centre. It’s responsible for those feelings you get of fear, of arousal, of anger, and so on. Modern techniques of brain imaging are helping us to understand this better. It seems that we have developed in a way which allows signals from our sensory equipment to first of all create emotional states. This has a survival advantage. For example, we can quickly develop the “fight or flight” response to successfully deal with any threats around us. Obviously emotions are considerably more elaborate than this. Anthony Damasio is really interesting to read about this subject. “Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain” is a good starting point. But I can also recommend his “The Feeling of What Happens” and “Looking for Spinoza”. You might also like “Consciousness Explained” by Daniel C Dennett and “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman. What all of these authors show us is how this particular function of the brain allows us to respond to stimuli from the environment far, far more quickly than we could if we had to become aware of everything consciously first, then figure out what to do about it. That thinking thing comes next! Although it’s not possible to really know the emotional content of another creature’s mind, from observing behaviour patterns it would seem that other animals also have emotions.

THINKING

Those two great parts of the brain known as the cerebral hemispheres are responsible for what we term “cognition”…….thinking. In its entirety, the human brain is THE most complex structure in the known universe. Amazing, huh? And it’s inside your head! There’s way too much involved in thinking for me to explain here but it involves memory, imagination, awareness, concentration and systems of assessment. Once signals have been processed in the old brain (and acted upon!), this “new brain” picks up the trail and processes what’s going on. It’s thinking that let’s us make choices. Some other creatures think too, but, as far as we know, not to nearly the same extent as human beings do. One of the things we’ve done with these capacities is to develop language which gives us the ability to handle and manipulate symbols and to think both abstractly and synthetically. And that leads to the fourth verb – the one which seems to be uniquely human –

MEANING-SEEKING

We don’t just pick up signals, we don’t just generate feelings, we don’t just think about the signals and the feelings to make choices, we do something else. We try to make sense of things. We are always asking the questions “Why?” and “How come?” We are insatiably curious but we are also insatiably trying to understand the world and our experiences. The way we do this is by telling stories. We put everything together and attribute values and meanings to weave narratives which enable us to make sense of the world and of ourselves. We do this in a host of complex ways. Viktor Frankl showed how this is one of our most fundamental drives. See his “Man’s Search for Meaning”. Richard Kearney shows how we use storytelling for this purpose, and Owen Flanagan shows how we inhabit “spaces of meaning” to create our distinct worldviews and narratives.

So, there you have it. Four verbs which make us human – sensing, feeling, thinking and meaning-seeking.  Let me just add one further level of complexity. I’ve presented this is a logical, step-wise way – inspired by those evolutionary biologists – but on a moment to moment basis, these activities of the human being are continuously active and interactive. What sense we make of something influences what we sense and vice versa. Feelings influence thoughts and vice versa. And so on.

What do you think? Do you agree that these four verbs capture what it is to be human? Have you any others you think I should add?

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Flourishing.

Isn’t that a great word? I’m reading Owen Flanagan’s “Really Hard Problem” just now and he says the book is about “eudaimonics” – his word for the science of eudaimonia. That’s been translated by many people as “happiness” but apparently “flourishing” is a better translation and I like that word a LOT more than “happiness”. Somehow, happiness has a somewhat more superficial connotation than flourishing. Happiness might be a state, but flourishing captures a dynamic essence. It’s going somewhere, growing, thriving, expanding, improving.

How do things need to be to feel you are flourishing? What supports, encourages, enables flourishing? Which are the flourishing contexts?

I’m still thinking this one through, but the first thing that came to mind was the concept of “flow”. When I feel in the flow, I feel I am flourishing. Flow involves movement, a certain ease and good energy. When I feel frustrated or blocked, or feel in the middle of turbulence, I don’t feel in the flow. The second thing that occurred to me was when I am doing well what I am doing. For example, one day last week, every single consultation I did seemed to go extremely well. I felt I connected so well to every patient, enjoyed meeting them all and felt I could understand them very well. I was doing well what I do – consulting and understanding. Then this last weekend I’ve been teaching and the teaching was easy and fun and the feedback was universally fabulous and I felt I was doing well what I do – teach. A third thing was about energy. When my energy feels good I feel I am flourishing.

Tell me, cos I’m really interested to know – when do you feel you are flourishing? What contributes to that feeling?

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